Listening and Waiting

My husband cupped his hand behind his ear and said: "Listen to what the Spirit says to the churches."

We were drinking coffee and talking about a class on the book of Revelation; the one he and his friend Bruce were preparing to teach. My husband said, "Think of how, in the thirties and forties, a child might listen in the night for the sound of the train's horn, hoping for the soon return of their daddy.

And then we were still, caught in memories of the past. He was listening for the sound of the train as it passed on the tracks at the edge of his childhood home on C street in Sacramento. I was far away in Northern Missouri, a young teenager once again.

My father had been gone for several months. Every night I listened for our front door to open, for him to come quietly into the house. No one in our small town knew where he was. Someone started a rumor; they had seen him driving East with a wild look in his eyes. But we, his family, knew. He was in California.

He was working on a dairy, gaining back his health, saving money, so he could come home and take us back to California with him.

The preceding year was hard. It began with someone finding my father in his truck in Ely Nevada bleeding to death from an ulcer. He was in the hospital for a long time, and then came home for awhile before slipping out of town to California to find a job. A place he had worked before. We were burdened with debt and he lost his truck. Now we were going to lose our home.

My older sister quit school to work in the cap factory with my mom. It was Pattonsburg's only "big" business besides trucking grain in and out of the grain elevators. I quit school to take care of my little sister who was only two years old. And then I lost my saxophone.

More than half of our school from the fifth grade up through high school played in the band. It was a marching band and we practiced most fall afternoons through the few streets of Pattonsburg. But the sax was gone and my mom and dad told me someone stole it. I know today. I know they couldn't finish paying for it and so I lost it.

And so I sat in our backyard on many of those late fall days and listened to the band marching somewhere in town and I cried while my sister took her nap.

There was happiness. I was constantly coming home from the library my arms loaded with books. I remember reading the Robe and other books by the author, including a book of his sermons. In the summer I began working at the local theater selling tickets and seeing all of the movies I wanted for free! Movie star Grace Kelly got married that year, to her prince, and the owner of the theater still owes me five dollars for the bet we made about how long she would stay married. Besides, I still had time to promenade up and down main street on Saturday night with my sisters and friends and to drink a chocolate coke at the drug store

But I waited with my family for my Dad's return. And one night I heard him in the kitchen talking to my Mom. We left in a few days for California and for what we hoped would be a new life.

But real human life, minus the eternal promises of God, often doesn't turn out the way we hope. Moments of joy, humanly speaking, are only moments.

Yes, I did go back to school. But Mom and Dad never owned their own home again. In fact, we finally ended up in public housing, and eventually I started taking jobs in other people's homes, living there, and making my way by cleaning and baby sitting. Both my Mom and Dad died early, my Mom at fifty one, my Dad two years later at the same age.

But my Mom and Dad found a greater treasure, a Savior and a heavenly home. And Jesus grabbed me too while he was at it.

The scriptures speak of all those who love his appearing, who long for his return; who put their hands to their ears and listen for his coming. We long for the coming of those close to us, but we are never sure. We long for the coming of Christ--and we are sure!

"Therefore if you have been raised up with Christ, keep seeking the things above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. Set your mind on things above, not on things on the earth. For you have died and your life, is hidden with Christ in God. When Christ, who is our life, is revealed, then you also will be revealed with him in glory." (Col 3:1-4)

We are told, in the scriptures, that with the coming of Jesus Christ we will celebrate and worship. There will be music including harps. What I am hoping is that someone, as we kneel in praise, around the throne of God and the lamb, will hand me a saxophone. There in that place I am sure the reed will be wet enough, I will have enough breath and I will once again remember all of the notes.